


No Lesbian Sex

by EverTheDreamer



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-09
Updated: 2005-12-08
Packaged: 2017-10-18 00:54:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/183209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverTheDreamer/pseuds/EverTheDreamer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Minerva McGonagall and Xiomara Hooch visit Minerva's parents for the summer so that Xiomara can finally meet them. Unfortunately, Minerva'as parents have many rules and regualtions that the couple will have to abide by. FEMMESLASH</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Minerva McGonagall sat on the train rereading the letter from her parents with shaking hands.

 _Our Dearest Minerva,_

 _Your father and I are thrilled that you have decided to visit for the summer! We can't wait until you arrive at the end of this term with your girlfriend. We are very excited to finally meet the girl who's made our baby so happy these years._

 _As excited as we are, we thought we should lay down the ground rules now so that we can make your stay a comfortable, enjoyable time for all of us._

 _Rule One: No Lesbian Sex._

 _Rule Two: No lesbian girlfriends in your room after hours and the door must be left open._

 _Rule Three: Should you manage to sneak your lesbian girlfriend into your room unsupervised, No Lesbian Sex._

 _Rule Four: In case we forgot to mention, No Lesbian Sex._

 _We are anxiously awaiting your arrival at the station._

 _Love, Mum and Dad._

Minerva reread the letter again before looking up at her girlfriend, Xiomara Hooch. She smiled as she watched Xiomara pacing around the small compartment on the train. Then Minerva began to read the letter again, not as a comfort, but as a reminder.

"What have I gotten myself into?" Xiomara asked herself, for what seemed like the millionth time, as she paced. She stopped again to gaze at her Minerva, who was once again reading the letter from her parents. "Why did I agree to meet her parents?" Xiomara asked herself again. Then, Minerva looked up and smiled weakly in an attempt to reassure Xiomara.

The train pulled to a stop far too soon as the young lovers prepared to face their doom.

"Minnie!" they both heard a voice screech. Minerva was then engulfed in a bear hug by both of her parents as Xiomara was hastily shoved out of the way.

"Mum! Dad! It's so great to see you," Minerva managed to gasp out. Minerva pulled herself from the grasp of her parents and clutched at Xiomara's hand. "I want you to meet my girlfriend, Xiomara Hooch."

"Of course, dear. Now then, shall we apparate to the house?" Minerva's mother quickly changed the subject.

"Minerva, I can't apparate to a place I've never seen!" Xiomara whispered harshly.

"We'll use sidelong apparation, Snuggle Bunny," Minerva whispered back, calmly. Then she followed her parents to a more secluded area to apparate from.

Moments later, the group was in the McGonagall's spacious kitchen.

"Are you girls ready to eat? I can't imagine that you had anything nutritious on that awful train," Minerva's mother said.

It was Minerva's father that answered, though. "I think we should let the girls get settled in. Minerva, show your friend where your brother's room is since that's where's she'll be sleeping."

Minerva nodded and grabbed her lover's hand and led her away.

"What's this?" Xiomara asked her girlfriend when they reached Minerva's younger brother's room.

"What's what?" Minerva asked confused.

"This!" Xiomara exclaimed, picking up a pamphlet that had been lying on the bedside table as she sat down on the bed. " _No lesbian sex_?" Xiomara asked, surprised. "Are these _rules_ for while I'm here?"

Minerva scowled. "My parents…" she muttered, putting her head into her hands.

Xiomara's eyes scanned over the rest of the rules. "I may have found a loophole, but I'll tell you later," Xiomara said smiling. "For now, what do you say we toe the line for the rules?"

Minerva looked at her girlfriend questioningly. Xiomara stretched and grabbed her lover's hand to pull her to the bed.

Minerva landed gracefully next to her and leaned in for a kiss.

"Girls! Are you ready for dinner now?" Minerva's mother yelled from the stairs.

Xiomara looked pleadingly at her girlfriend as if to say, " _Can't we be a little late?_ "

"Later," Minerva promised, getting from the bed and extending her hand to pull Xiomara with her. Xiomara rolled her eyes, took Minerva's hand, and allowed herself to be dragged to her feet. "Coming, mother!" Minerva yelled toward the door.

The lovers walked through the house holding hands until they reached the room before dining room. Then, Minerva disengaged.

"What?" Xiomara asked confusedly.

"I just don't think it would be best to be overly affectionate in front of my parents."

"We're not snogging," Xiomara began loudly before she was harshly quieted by Minrva. "And we're not making love in front of them!" Xiomara continued in an overly dramatic stage whisper. "We were just holding hands!"

"I know, Snuggle Bunny, but I'd really rather not push my parents' buttons in any way. We can be affectionate when we leave the house and when they're not in the room."

Xiomara sighed, "Alright."

"Thank you," Minerva said, leaning over slightly to kiss her girlfriend on the nose.

They entered the dining room and sat down.

Xiomara's eyes widened as she looked at the table. "Look at the placemats!" she hissed. Minerva looked down and, sure enough, she found " _No Lesbian Sex"_ in addition to the rest of the rules.

"Please, just ignore it," Minerva whispered back. Yet, Minerva couldn't manage to draw her eyes away from the placemat. She found that, everywhere she looked in her home, she found her parent's rules plastered.

Astonishingly, Minerva's parents ate in silence with the daughter they rarely got to see and this new stranger in their lives.

"Okay, since no one's saying anything, I'll talk!" Xiomara exclaimed, breaking the deafening silence. "Mister and Misses McGonagall, may I have Minerva's hand in marriage?" Xiomara asked as she took out a small ring box.

"Oh!" Minerva's mother gasped out while Mister McGonagall' cleared his throat to avoid the question he had just heard voiced.

"Snuggly Bunny!" Minerva screeched as she stood and rushed to Xiomara's seat. Xiomara opened the box. "It's beautiful!"

"Not as beautiful as you, Min," Xiomara said seriously.

"I would love to marry you!" Minerva squealed, which really proved her excitement since she never squealed, as she hugged Xiomara. When Minerva pulled out of the hug, she had tears in her eyes. "I love you," Minerva said and then she completely disregarded her own rules by leaning in and kissing Xiomara firmly on the lips.

"I love you," Xiomara echoed before leaning back in and kissing Minerva again. Then Xiomara took the engagement band out of the box and slipped it onto Minerva's finger. "It looks even more beautiful on your delicate finger, and look! It's a perfect fit! Meant to be."

"Like us!" Minerva gushed.

Minerva's father cleared his throat again causing both girls to look at him.

"Sorry, mum. Dad." Minerva said embarrassed as she stood and made her way back to her chair with her eyes downcast.

"Sorry?" Xiomara echoed incredulously in a whisper.


	2. Chapter 2

"You're sorry?" Xiomara asked Minerva, incredulous, breaking the silence as they strolled around the vast grounds belonging to Minerva's family.

"What?" Minerva asked, confusion etched in her face.

"You're sorry," Xiomara repeated, stopping their walk.

"I'm not sure I-"

"You said that you're sorry. I proposed and we were both happy- ecstatic, even-, then your father cleared his throat and you **apologized** ," Xiomara recounted, turning to face Minerva. "You apologized and went back to your seat. You were ashamed. Of what? Me? You? Us?"

"Is that what this silence thing was about? You know I love you and how proud I am of us! I wouldn't have stayed with you for six years if I wasn't," Minerva said. "I think you're blowing it all out of proportion. I only apologized to pacify my father."

"Minerva, you are twenty-five years old. Don't you think that its time that you stand up to your parents?"

"Snuggle Bunny, you don't understand."

"I don't understand? Well, explain it to me, I've got time. Min, didn't you tell me when we first started dating that we wouldn't hide our love because of anyone? That we wouldn't act ashamed? Well? Isn't that what you promised me?" Xiomara demanded, her anger evident.

Minerva averted her eyes, ashamed. She had made a promise, Xiomara was right. "Xiomara, it's not that simple."

"Make it that simple. You promised me, Minnie. Now, we're slinking around because you can't stand up to your parents?"

"They're very traditional. I'm not sure they approve," Minerva explained, pacing. She reached out toward Xiomara.

"Well, I am. I'm sure that they don't approve," Xiomara sighed bitterly, pulling away from Minerva.

"Snuggle Bunny, I'm sorry, I am. Really, but I can't make it right if you keep shutting me out. I don't know what you want me to do."

"Min, what I want… All I want is for you to be happy and free from the iron fist of your parents. Ever since we started dating, we've faced being outsiders. It's never bothered you. But… Your father so much as coughs and all of a sudden, you're five again, or something. You just have to be Daddy's Little Girl. What happened, Min?" Xiomara asked, her anger ebbing away.

"I don't know," Minerva answered, tears forming in her eyes.

"Minnie," Xiomara extended her hand and wiped away a tear that slid down Minerva's cheek. "Please don't cry."

Minerva's parents sat in bed, a silence hanging over them.

"I can't believe that woman!" Minerva's father finally sighed in an angry frustration. "Can you believe that woman? In our own home!"

"Well, you know, 'those people' have absolutely no class whatsoever. No shame," Minerva's mother responded, shaking her head. "I just don't understand where we went wrong! I mean, we did everything right!"

"We did everything we could, darling. We couldn't foresee this," Minerva's father said soothingly, patting his wife's back soothingly.

"I just always thought she'd end up with that Dumbledore fellow, you know… Once she graduated from Hogwarts. And now… This. I mean, I suppose it _could_ be worse. This girl, she seems nice, right?"

Minerva's father sighed angrily, pulling his arm back, "You're not getting soft on me now, are you?"

"Of course not," Minerva's mother answered, patting her husband's leg reassuringly and only half paying attention. She got up and went to their wet fridge to make her husband a drink and giving it to him before walking to the window.

Her husband continued his tirade. "We need to hold the fort together," he mumbled gruffly.

"That's right, dear."

"We need… Stricter rules!" he continued. "And not let them out of our sight! We need to cause a rift between th-"

Minerva's mother gasped. "Come here! Hurry!"

Her husband pulled himself out of bed and staggered to the window, careful not to spill his drink.

"Look!" She pointed out the window where Minerva and Xiomara were having a little spat.

"Darling," Minerva's father said, grinning like a madman, "this may be easier than we thought!"

"They're already fighting!" Minerva's mother squealed.

The pair began walking back to their bed, quite pleased with themselves.

"All we have to do is capitalize on their fight," Minerva's father said. "We should try to get Minerva alone and talk to her."

"And say what?" Minerva's mother asked. "Shouldn't we just not meddle? They appear likely to break up on their own."

"Are you willing to risk that? Are you willing to risk losing out little kitten to this…. This… Gay… Lesbian… Fad thing?"

"I… I… No. I suppose not."

"That's what I thought. Now, let's get some sleep. We have lot's to do tomorrow… And lots to celebrate!"


	3. No Lesbian Sex Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "So… Like I said, loophole," Xiomara commented as she and Minerva fell onto Minerva's bed.

"So… Like I said, loophole," Xiomara commented as she and Minerva fell onto Minerva's bed.

"What do you mean? What loophole?" Minerva asked, confused.

Xiomara smiled, picking up the rule pamphlet and read aloud, "'No lesbian _girlfriends_ in your room after hours and the door must be left open. Should you manage to sneak your lesbian _girlfriend_ into your room unsupervised, No Lesbian Sex.'"

"Yes, Snuggle-Bunny: 'No lesbian girlfriends-'"

Xiomara cut her off by grabbing her left hand and pointing to the engagement ring. "I'm not your girlfriend, Rosebud, I'm your fiancée." Xiomara smiled, minx-like, and watched a similar smile spread across Minerva's features.

Minerva managed to close the door with a muttered spell before Xiomara had straddled her, kissing hungrily.

"Thank-Merlin-You-Proposed-And-Created-This-Loophole," Minerva offered between kisses.

Xiomara kissed lower, pulling Minerva's jumper over her head without a second thought.

Minerva arched into her companion as Xiomara's hands began to wander.

"Mara," Minerva moaned softly as the shorter woman slipped two experienced fingers into her.

Xiomara took Minerva's nipple between her teeth as she rubbed tantalizingly slow, her thumb circling Minerva's clit.

* * *

"I'm going to stop by our kitten's room, see if I can get her to tell 'dear old dad' what the fight was about," Minerva's father announced gleefully as he and his wife stepped away from the window. "I mean, a fight already? This is going swimmingly!"

Minerva's mother smiled and nodded her answer as her husband all but skipped from the room.

"Kitten?" he asked, rapping lightly at Minerva's bedroom door.

And then he heard it. The single most horrifying noise for a father to hear: His daughter's moans of pleasure.

"Oh! Mara! Fu-Oh! Faster, Mara! Mnnmm!"

Eyes wide, Minerva's father fled back to his wife.

"Hunny? Hunny!"

"What dear?" she responded, still reading as he ran into the room, panting.

"Put your bloody book down! This-Sweet Merlin! You wouldn't believe! She-! They-!"

"What is it, dear?" Minerva's mother asked, holding her page with a single finger.

"Our kitten! She was-! And-!"

"Calm down. What _is_ it, dear?" she asked, slightly irritated.

"They aren't fighting anymore," Minerva's father answered simply.

"Really?" Minerva's mother opened her book again, her eyes leaving her husband. "That girl leave already, then?"

"They were fucking!"

"Right, dear. They were- WHAT?"

"Minerva was… Moaning her little girlfriend's name when I got there!" He began pacing. "We need a plan… Stricter rules. Effective immediately!"

"In our little kitten's _room_?" his wife asked, mortified.

He grumbled as he got into bed, "We're getting up early tomorrow. We have to prepare. Fix this travesty."

* * *

"Oh, Snuggle-Bunny," Minerva sighed, kissing Xiomara's nose lightly as they strode down the stairs to breakfast. "You were lovely last night."

"I'm not sure I need breakfast," Xiomara giggled. "I'm still full from last night."

Minerva smiled, "Very funny, dear. That's why I'm marrying you. For your sense of humor."

"And it all comes out!" Xiomara teased back.

Hand-in-hand, the couple entered the dining room to find both of Minerva's parents sitting at the table with their hands folded.

"Are you going out, mum?" Minerva asked.

"How was your evening, kitten?" her mother responded. "Sleep well?"

The couple edged into the chairs opposite the older couple.

"Change of rules," Minerva's father announced, an evil smile on his face.

Xiomara shot Minerva a look, plainly asking _Do they know?_

Minerva's father slid a sheet of paper across the table, message-side down.

Neither girl flipped it over for fear of what it might say. They chose, instead, to shoot nervous, anxious glances at the other.

Minerva's parents said nothing.

Finally, Xiomara reached out a tentative hand and flipped the sheet over.

She immediately wished she hadn't and her jaw dropped in a silent scream of horror at what she read.

Seeing Xiomara's reaction only scared Minerva more. Fearfully, she tore the sheet from her lover and skimmed it. Her resulting look of shock mirrored Xiomara's. Minerva looked ready to cry.

"I think these rules are more than acceptable. What do you think, darling?" he asked, turning to his equally stony-faced wife.

"I concur," she nodded.

The young couple couldn't tear their eyes from the rule sheet, still horrified.

 _Rule One: No Lesbian Sex.  
Rule Two: No lesbian girlfriends in your room after hours and the door must be left open.  
Rule Three: Should you manage to sneak your lesbian girlfriend into your room unsupervised, No Lesbian Sex.  
_   
_  
**Rule Four: No lesbian fiancées in your room for any reason.  
Rule Five: If you manage to sneak your lesbian fiancée into your room at any point, the door must be left open. If the door is closed while she is in the room with you, No Lesbian Sex.  
Rule Six: In case these rules are not thorough enough, No Lesbian Sex on the McGonagall grounds at all. None. At any point.**   
_


End file.
